Kick it in, Patti Lee

A lot of my year-end lists had to do with wanting to both consume more consciously and create more consciously. Less blogging/more writing one list reminds me. I don't really know what it means, but I know it when I see it.

I've written before about struggling with identifying as a creative. I feel like because I struggle with the identity, because I don't give myself fully to it, or at least to what I think it's supposed to be, that I'm not really, that I'm just faking it.

The second book I read this year was "Just Kids" by Patti Smith and, fuck, if that book doesn't make you want to give it all up and become a starving artist, I don't know what will. I guess if that book doesn't make you want to give it all up and become a starving artist then you really don't put the same value on creating that I do. I guess it turns out I value creating a lot.

I've never wanted to write a novel. Or fiction at all, really. I've never wanted to write a memoir or be a published author. I know I'm happier when I make space in my life to write. I know the more I write, the more I write. I don't know how to not write any more than I know hot to not bake. I'm much better at not sleeping than not doing either of those things.

The job for which I had an interview today is for yet another place that just opened. A BBQ joint this time. It should scare me more, working for another startup. But honestly, it's what I'm good at it. They need somebody to create and develop a pie program who is really interested in approaching everything from an R&D stand point (seriously, I'd get paid to eat pie, what is my life?) and I'm a research and development kind of gal. I'm also a flaky dough pastry kind of gal. It sounds like they've constructed a culture that is really focused on and values collaborating and creating. I've felt really stuck creatively lately and very confined by the size and budget of my current job, maybe this could be the thing that gets me out of my rut.