Overwhelmed

One minute everything is fine and the next everything is crashing down. In essence, nothing has changed but my grasp on it has. New job, promotion, items on the menu. Confidence.

This week, something shifted, same job, less control. Same control, different mood?

And I think, for a minute there might’ve been a boy, I don’t really know, maybe I’m crazy. But then I worked too much and I think either way the minute passed.

I feel out of control right now. I can’t take a breath, I can’t just organize. I overloaded myself and haven’t recovered and am looking at a month of being overloaded again.

I just want to run and run and run, but it’s 11:30 at night and I’m exhausted and I just want to sleep and cry. Sleep and cry and run all at once. I don’t even know why.

This is where I’m supposed to be, I’m 100% certain. I’ve never felt so little wanderlust. My job is what I should be doing, I am happy in the kitchen, cooking, managing, teaching, experimenting. And I am good at those things. My social life is full, maybe too full, overwhelmingly full.

Each day there are things I’m failing to do.

Call Mom.

Call Jacob.

Email the family.

Figure out plans for Lara’s visit.

Figure out how to puppysit and catsit while Lara is visiting.

Clean.

Exercise, you’ll feel better.

EAT REAL FOOD.

Sleep enough.

Right now I feel like all the balls are falling.

There was that moment where it seemed I had it all. Somewhere though, the rhythm got off, the balance was skewed, somewhere, I fucked things up. I just don’t know where.

Good feeling, won’t you stay with me, just a little longer?