"He thought, once you get used to spending your nights with someone else, then you are sunk for this. Once you learn how it feels to wake up and see another face near yours. And have another person flop over against you in the early hours of dawn when the room gets cold. It's more than sex. Sex is over within a few minutes. This is peaceful, and it goes on as long as you have her lying with you. It puts an end to awful things; it starts something better than anything else in life."
-Philip K. Dick, In Milton Lumcky Territory
I wrote the other day that I was torn between the easiness of being a drunken floozy and my desire not to settle for anything less than the real deal.
But it's a lie. I'm not torn. I'm just behaving like it.
I know exactly what I want.
And I think I knew when I wrote that, I was just being a coward.