Don't carry it all, don't carry it all

So I've been sitting here for about thirty minutes staring at the screen. My intention was to write one of those boring general update posts but then I remembered that I put whiskey in my tea and then in my hot chocolate and thought, "hmm, maybe I shouldn't blog now" and basically have been going back and forth for the last half hour about whether whiskey while blogging = awesome or worst idea ever. I'm leaning towards awesome, because all the best authors seemed to think it was a good plan, right?

And this is why I was somewhat (ok, fine, very weakly) arguing for getting cheap whiskey I wouldn't drink for the ham this weekend because I don't actually know that just because I have tasty whiskey doesn't mean I have to drink it.


So this is how I am:

A little stir crazy, but not actually depressed. Granted, my definition of depressed actually means crying jags, unable to get out of bed depressed not like "oh I'm not so pleased with my life today", but I am actually pretty ok. Yeah, I'd really, really, really like to find a job because I would like to get out of the house, meet new people and have some money coming in, or a lot of money coming in. Obviously, a lot would be best. I had an interview Friday for a bakery/cafe that isn't open yet, tomorrow I have an interview with a tutoring company, Saturday I have a stage. Craigslist, indeed and idealist are all getting a lot of page hits from this gal.

Sunday and Monday I didn't fall asleep until 5am. I do that sometimes. Yesterday I didn't let myself drink coffee and went to yoga and managed to fall asleep at 2am. Right now I have the worst TMJ pain I've had in years. The right side of my jaw barely opens. It's all a process. I really don't do well without routine and it's pretty hard to force yourself into one when you don't actually have anything you have to do on a time frame.

I spend too much time watching things on hulu, checking twitter and refreshing facebook. My google reader has gotten down to a reasonable number. I play a lot of words with friends with strangers. Surprisingly I haven't played World of Warcraft in weeks now. I think possibly because I'm afraid I'd get sucked in and then actually become useless and depressed. Also, our internet sometimes sucks.

I am really seriously looking into creating a line of gourmet caramels, toffees and marshmallows to sell over on my food blog that no longer gets updated but I'm nervous about putting the money into doing the R&D I need to (since most of the flavors I'm looking at doing are brand new) without having any money coming in. I'm pretty sure this is something I'm going to stick with once I get a job, unless it's a crazy working 50+ hours a week one. The caramel flavors I've come up with are unique and potentially really exciting if they all work out.

I'm starting to know my way around the neighborhood a little more, mostly due to just getting out of the house and wandering for a while most days. I've learned which teachers I like at the $5 yoga studio and which I don't (last night's teacher spoke as if he was delivering a dramatic monologue for all of class. I almost left in the first ten minutes it bothered me so much, but it was a pretty good flow if a different teacher had been instructing). I can mostly figure out which way I need to walk to get places. My room is turning more into my space every day.

Tomorrow I'm going to a tweetup at the American Museum of Natural History. Hopefully it'll be awesome and I'll meet some cool people. Annoyingly my camera battery is dead and I think I stuck the charger in a bag that hasn't made it here yet so any pics will be with my iPhone. I'm hoping it won't all be people that have cool science-y real blogs because it might be awkward to be like "yeah, I blog about how good I am at drinking and making questionable decisions". Whatevs, I can probably muster up enough nerd cred to fool them for about 5 minutes before excusing myself getting another glass of wine and finding the next person. It'll be good.

Of course I miss my friends. I miss being able to find multiple choices for organic cream top yogurt in the grocery store instead of none. I miss the feel and smell of being near the coast. I don't understand how I can be so near the ocean and not feel like it at all. I miss my cats.

But I'm ok. I'm not jumping up and down for a joy in love with life, but I'm ok and I'm still pretty excited to be here. For now, that's enough.