L-O-V-E's gonna be the death of me

P1040831

The other day I tried to figure out the last time I was truly single on Valentine's Day. I actually couldn't. I think I was single the second semester of Sophomore year of high school, so I'm going with that. Last time I was single on Valentine's Day, I was sixteen and it was 2002. I probably had purple hair and some flared jeans from Express.

Maybe this is why I'm not one of those vehemently bitter anti-Valentine's folks. The truth is, I kind of like Valentine's. I like giving presents. I like getting presents. I like an excuse to make somebody I love something sweet. I think often we forget to make time to celebrate a successful relationship, to tell each other we still think they're incredibly special and amazing. Plus, sometimes all that silly cheesy hearts and flowers stuff is just fun to indulge in.

All that being said, I'm really not sad that I don't have someone to share the day with. I kind of feel like I've been on some sort of epic rebound the last two years. I think I've been dating boys nothing like Jacob not because it didn't work but because of all the ways our relationship did work. When I broke up with Jacob, I broke up with my best friend and it really fucking sucked. It still kind of does. When just my type boy and I finally kissed, it hit me over a head like a ton of bricks. Oh right, this, this is what I want. To be with someone with whom things are easy, who I have absolutely no problem talking to, who makes me feel good about myself, who I have common interests with, who likes learning about my interests and sharing their's; someone who truly is my friend.

I was a little worried that the kissing would ruin the friendship, that me moving across country would turn into something dramatic, but instead I still got to eat dinner with his family, watch bad late night movies, play Scrabble AND we went on a couple of dates. Instead of trying to convince me to stay, he encouraged me to go and made sure we had a way to still play Scrabble via Words with Friends. For a couple of weeks, he reminded me what a good relationship could be. And far from it making me hung up on a boy now on the other side of the country, I think it helped me leave California without any regrets, with an even clearer idea of what I want in my next relationship and hopefully, to take my time with whatever (or who ever) happens next.

I'm single this Valentine's Day and while I'm not swearing off men, unless I find one that's willing to talk Project Runway, video games and food and agrees that most public art is hideous, these pants just might be staying on for a while.