Don't Panic

I was going to take some Klonopin to make me fall asleep earlier, but than I got too anxious about taking it to do so. True story. I got too anxious about a sedative/anti-anxiety drug to make myself take said drug, thereby proving that somebody should give me some fucking Klonopin. I told Matt that if I kept refusing to take drugs that would help me sleep for more than five hours max, he should start crushing them up and putting them in my food. Today he asked if I wanted him to crush it up and put it in my lunch. I feel like he didn't fully understand my request that he secretly drug me.

Now is probably the point where I should probably clarify that while if I decided to actually talk to a psychiatrist I probably could legitimately get some sedatives because apparently somehow working graveyards aggravates things like migraines and anxiety and other fun stuff, I actually am in possession of Klonopin because Matt's mother gave him some to give to me last time I had a migraine because apparently it gives her great pleasure to share her drugs . In fact she gave him Klonopin, Valium and Codeine to give to me and suggested I take one of each to totally knock out my migraine, which I didn't do because I had already taken Imitrex which makes it hard for me to move my limbs so sedatives seemed like something I didn't really need and because that probably would've made me sleep for an entire week. But right now I've been super sick for an entire week and for some reason cannot sleep for more than 5 hours at a time (max, most days it's more like three) which is making it really hard to recover from being sick. I also lost my appetite for a few days and now can't seem to eat more than half a meal a day. So basically I haven't been eating or sleeping and that might be related to the fact that I pretty much had a minor melt down about halfway through the day and was supposed to take some Klonopin and go to sleep. But the problem is I can't breath very well so I got anxious about taking the sedative and having it possibly slow my rate of breathing and then suffocating in my sleep OR about being so knocked out that instead of waking up and coughing I would just choke on the gigantic amount of mucus in my throat and while objectively I know those things are highly unlikely, I'm home alone and I have a strong preference not to die in my sleep, so instead I slept for like two hours and now I'll wait for Matt to come home so that he can perform CPR when I stop breathing. This seems totally reasonable.

In other news, I got an iPhone 4 which is probably more related to the title of this blog than anything.