You better speak up I won't wait

"I was in Berkeley the day before your birthday and I was just sitting in my car in front of Gregoire's for a good fifteen minutes because I wanted to buy you potato puffs, but I just didn't know what to do. I didn't know if you wanted anything to do with me, but I really wanted to get you potato puffs"

God dammit. Why? Why did he have a cute story about potato puffs? Is there one food item I like even more than giant bowls of mashed potatoes? Yes. Is that item potato puffs from Gregoire's? Fuck yes; they're like little puff balls of heaven. Was he sitting in front of one of my top ten favorite restaurants thinking about buying me my favorite food when I hadn't talked to him in weeks and had basically told him to fuck off? Yes.

What the hell?

What. the. hell.

(repeat ten times)

Just so we're clear before I start this story, I officially do not understand men. Whatever small amount of insight I thought I may have gleaned over the years has now been rendered null and void. Also, can I just say, "what the hell?".

***

Saturday he texts to ask if I'm going to a friend's party in San Francisco. I tell him I haven't decided, ask him why... blah blah blah car broke blah don't want to take truck, would it be terribly awkward to get a ride?

(Yes he really did use the phrase "terribly awkward" which for some reason makes me giggle. I don't know what the deal is.)

I leave him a message before realizing he's at work and that's why we're communicating via text and eventually he calls me back and says he's kind of dragging his ass about the whole driving down to the city thing and I said I was feeling the same way (you'd think we'd be more excited about a party that supposedly had a money pinata) and he asked if maybe I'd like to hang out later tonight if he got some people together and I sort of vaguely agreed.

But then Lara let me know they needed a bear tank to do the Petaluma bar crawl and I agreed to that instead. 'Cause I didn't actually trust him to get back to me ever and Lara is pretty awesome. Also, you know "LF tank for Petaluma bar crawl have heals and two dps, bear tanks preferred" is a pretty ridiculous invite. How could I say no to that? Also, I'd like to state for the record, I'm pretty sure this proves that I'm not actually that nerdy compared to my friends. Sure, I thought it was hilarious, but I would have never thought to invite Lara to go drinking with something like "LF priest to go West County wine tasting, have tank, g2g".

Except maybe I should, because it's way more amusing to ask a priest to do those things than a bear tank. 

Just pretend you understood all that and I in no way interrupted this story to make a bajillion WoW references. Thanks.

Of course once I'm already in Petaluma he texts me offering free booze at his house. When I reply with a "maybe on my way home" he let's me know that just my type boy and puppy are housesitting so I should probably come out. I still give him a maybe ('cause I had just hung out with just my type boy and already knew there was some puppy spotting opportunities if I wanted to brave going out there). I leave Petaluma around 2 am so of course I don't go by.

Sunday night at work I check my texts.

"Beer?" and then from about fifteen minutes later (thanks iPhone time stamps!) "What're you up to?"

I let him know I'm at work for probably about another hour (keep in mind it's already like 9:45pm at this point) and he asks if I want to come over and have some beer with him and Jaz and then eat some delicious food. Seeing as Jaz's father owns the brewery that makes my favorite beer and that her being there possibly equaled a pony keg of that or one of his other delicious delicious brews and I'm a sucker for any offer of free delicious food I said yes. Especially when I found out said food was one of the chicks that had been born while he was in Europe so I had a hand in raising it. I swear getting excited about eating an animal you raised isn't weird. C'mon guys, I told y'all I was a crazy slow foodie; don't give me that look. Sure I remembered when it was adorable and fuzzy but, chicken that I helped raise?! How exciting is that!?!

When I leave work I let him know I'm on my way and he sends me a cryptic

"winding down..."

"Should I not come out tonight?"

"I'd love to see you. Don't want you to be disappointed if it's not exciting"

"Whatevs. Just got off work so pretty low energy myself, not looking for crazy party time"

"Can't wait"

And it's the "can wait" that makes me suddenly check myself and wonder what the hell I'm doing and what his motives might be. I just can't imagine a world where he can't wait to see me but I figure the worst that'll happen is he'll try to sleep with me and I'll either be like "umm, no" or like "sure I can have meaningless sex in exchange for eating a chicken I raised and free booze" because I really was that excited about the damn chicken and... well... that's it, I don't really have any excuses for myself.

So men out there, keep that in mind, offer me dead animal and alcohol and I'm yours for the night.

By the time I get out there everyone's gone. This, I'm sure, is no surprise to you. It was not really a surprise to me. I notice he's listening to my damn hipster music. (Which in this case refers to "The Decemberists" whom he already listened to before we met so it was possible this was not at all related to me. But a playlist almost entirely of Decemberists songs and then "The General"? C'mon, that has "I'm totally setting up an atmosphere that will make you comfortable and like me" written all over it).

He hugs me in the way you hug somebody you've been missing terribly. In that "I just need to hold you so I know you're really here" almost desperate sort of way.

"It's good to see you, Alana"

If I were anyone else that "Alana" would've been "darlin'". I notice the conscious effort to use my name, the same as when we had been on the phone the day before. I smile a little to myself. Maybe I haven't stopped him from referring to all women as "darlin'" but at least he thinks about it, I say to myself.

He offers me a glass of beer, we sit down facing each other and begin to make small talk.