As always was always it shall be. Do you really love me?

"I took over the baking job at work AND I'm doing recipe development for a whole line of caramels AND we're doing high tea now"

"Still beating yourself up then?"

"Huh? What would I be beating myself up over?"

"I mean, still working way too much and way too late?"

"Yeah, I guess, you know me, I thrive on it"

"Christ, and you're in school? Are you taking care of yourself?"

"I totally changed my course load from the beginning of the semester. I was planning on take cultural anthropology, calculus, French and Spanish but I just didn't think I had time. Then I was just taking anthro and calculus but I didn't have time for the calculus homework"

Note how I avoid the "are you taking care of yourself?" part? I think it's safe to say that it doesn't take most people I spend a lot of time with very long to notice that I'm fantastic at taking care of other people, but left to my own devices I really do replace sleep with coffee and food with toast. I did not want to acknowledge that he had ever cared enough to notice, but I know that's a lie. 

"I'm taking anthro, creative writing and a late start art history class. My creative writing class is fucking amazing. It's basically just a writing workshop and in the first class I went to he referenced Kafka and Dostoevsky and Nabokov in like the first five minutes."

"That's awesome. So good for you. You know I just can't really get into Nabokov."

Oh hey, right, there are reasons I fell for this boy. Dating blog title revision "Let's talk literature, baby and could you be a little pretentious about it?".

"I've started about three Nabokov books and made it about three quarters of the way through each but never actually finished one. Maybe it's 'cause I haven't attempted to conquer Lolita. Anyways, what've you been up to the last month?"

"The usual, work. I'm starting to really like my kids and get really annoyed by the ones that are little shitheads. I didn't get the job with the d.o.r. I wanted. I finished all my grad school apps, I'm a little freaked out about it."

"Why are you freaked out about grad school?"

"I don't know. It just sounds all adult and stuff. I don't want to be an adult I just want to have fun, you know?"

"You know I'm not the person to relate to about that. I've had a career pretty much since I was twenty. I tried living your way for the past year, I thought I might like to try just having fun, it really didn't do it for me."

"Well, you're ridiculous. You've always been insanely responsible. I just, I don't want to be an adult but I realized I want to be able to have a family and be a provider at some point and I need to get my shit together to be able to do that. You've just been work and school? Any boy-o's?"

"Not really"

"Really? A hot number like you?"

"Don't really have the time or inclination at the moment"

"None at all?"

"I kind of had a one night stand while I was in New York. Anyways... Anything exciting going on in your life?"

"Not really, I was seeing Dan's (aka "just my type boy") boss for a while and it was going pretty well but then I caught her looking through my text messages one day"

"For serious?"

"Yeah, she wasn't even sly about it. I came back into the room and my phone was stuffed under the pillow with the charger still plugged in to it. I was so angry. I mean that has messages from my mother, my family's financial stuff, friend's personal lives. That's just not acceptable."

"Did she give you any explanation?"

"Yeah she said she wanted to make sure I wasn't saying shit about her to Dan."

"Really? That's it? Who the fuck does that?"

"I don't know. I was pissed."

"Well, if nothing else, at least you can say I never went through your text messages. I'm not that crazy."

"I've actually been thinking all in all our relationship was pretty great despite it's bursts of insanity."

"Seriously? Who does that?"

That's right, I'm not even touching that sentence about him liking our relationship. Uh, what? Not last I heard.

"I don't know. It's so not ok. You know how protective I am of my friends. But anyways, I've been thinking a lot about..."

And saved by the phone ring. I'm sitting there thinking "Oh shit, I thought I was getting beer and attempted seduction but he wants to talk about things? I hope he doesn't want to talk about our last conversation. I don't really want to go over that again".

<insert "random chit chat about how excited he is his best friend (ok, he has like ten million best friends) is moving to the bay area" here>

We've gone into the kitchen to refill our glasses of beer. I'm sitting in one of the tall bar stools at the counter. He puts his arm around me. I look up to talk to him and he kisses me.

Now, every other time he's kissed me after we've been apart for a while I've gotten that swoony, stomach in my chest and at the same time this is comfortable and nice feeling. That night I thought "ooh kissing, kissing is nice" and that's about all I felt.

"This is a terrible idea."

"No, I'm pretty sure this is a great idea"


"Look, I've been thinking about it for a while. I was in Berkeley the night before your birthday and I was just sitting in the car in front of Gregoire's for like 15 minutes because I wanted to buy you potato puffs but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if you wanted anything to do with me."

"Why didn't you?"

"I just thought you wouldn't ever talk to me again. But then Sky was coming up and he was supposed to bring them the next day. I didn't even care if you didn't want to see me. I wanted to give you potato puffs. It was your birthday. I was prepared to just go to your house and leave them on the porch and walk away if you weren't home. But he never brought them."

"That's a pretty adorable story but it doesn't really explain why you think this is a great idea."

"I just, I keep seeing other people I don't like as much as you"

"Umm, I think that's almost a compliment but it sounds a little like 'well, I can't find anything better'"

"Fine, that wasn't quite right. I'm trying to be sweet here. It just always comes back to you. No matter what, I can't stop thinking about you."

He kisses me again. He pulls my head to his chest.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"