I do the same thing I get lonely too

I caved.

Revoke my cookie.

Two days in a row of the boy texting me trying to get me to hang out and I just had to know what the hell was up. (Despite a warning that would prove to be true)

I feel like I need to back up a little to the last conversation I had with the boy.

We hadn't really been seeing each other for a while. We were occasionally sleeping together. He was, as usual, alternating between being really sweet and really pissing me off but mostly really pissing me off.

One day we were walking around his property and he decided to go ahead and open the can of worms of things that were annoying me. I basically told him that since we weren't in a long term relationship and were just having sex I wasn't really interested in/didn't think it was worth fighting about things. He thought it was totally worth it. What resulted was an hour long conversation with me saying "a, b and c really get my goat" and him saying "well, you know me, that's just how I am" (this was especially his response to me bringing up the hell that was Thanksgiving).

A lot of the argument was about how we treat each other when we're around other people and him telling me that I couldn't come to the New Year's party at his house the next day and hang out with my friends but he'd really like to take me out to a nice dinner and spoil me before we each go out of town for a week.

Anyways, after a while of literally and figuratively walking in circles I just looked at him and said "You know, we both just aired a shit ton of grievances but we really didn't resolve anything".

"Well it's about to be a New Year, I think it's time we just threw in the towel. Start 2010 fresh as friends".

"That's it?"

"I think that should be it, don't you?"

"Fine. I guess."

And I left.

Then comes the part where I was maybe not at my best.

I know you always wanted a peek in my facebook inbox, so here you go.

Allright, I've calmed down a bit. I'd be fine with you coming tomorrow but there are some conditions.
We have to be NICE to each other. No backbiting, only kindness.
We can't sleep together. Seriously, we need to work on this one.
Ifone of us starts hitting on someone no interfering and no jealousy. This I want to stress. I won't get in your way with a dude and you don't get in mine (hopefully not with a dude, although that happened once in SF when it was dark...)
No talking bad about the other person to the people at the party. We're doing the Bambi thing, "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."
This is a new year, let's go into it as friends. We are turning over a new leaf and this is how friends interact. If you can't handle this at the party you won't be coming back for quite a while till we cool down as lovers. I want that to be clear. I also want to stress that I still want you in my life, but we need to make this work as friends and tomorrow will show me if you can handle that or not. Does this sound reasonable?

-The Boy

Thanks, but that was pretty much the most condescending way you could've stated that. You've really jerked me around and treated me poorly and I don't feel like I need to prove anything to you. I'll find something else to do.

P.S. We both know I'm not going to do anything with any one who comes to parties at the ranch so basically I feel like the no interfering part of that message was you telling me there's someone else you wanted to fuck tomorrow and pointless. And mean.

P.P.S. Just because I've let you decide the level of relationship we've had since last February doesn't mean that you get to keep doing it. Deciding we're still going to be friends is a joint decision. You're not the only one that has to want it and right now, I don't. Maybe in a month or so. But I just wrote a lot of shitty things and don't particularly care, so you may have changed your mind also.

Also, I was totally fine with how we left things before I read this message. Thus proving, once again, we should never talk about important things over facebook. It's like talking about them when you're drunk. Nobody says things the way they mean to. Actually, we probably just shouldn't talk for a while in general.


And that was the last communication we had until he texted me a happy birthday.

So when he started trying to make a concerted effort to hang out, I was more than a little confused. I could be wrong, but nothing about that message says "I'm a nice person, I like you, let's be friends". I'm pretty sure it said "You're a total douche, fuck off" and "Hi, I'm one angry bitch". I wouldn't want to hang out with me.

But I hear men like what they can't have, especially if they think of what they can't have as a crazy bitch, and that is really the only rationale I have behind him trying to get me to hang out and everything that followed...

In the next post: The boy asks me to be his girlfriend. I'm not even joking a little bit. Neither was he. I asked.