I don't even really know how to write about the week following the perfect date, the week of Thanksgiving. Things just got really crazy weird.
Morning after the perfect date. We got to Cafe Fanny then get potato puffs on our way out of town and head back up to his house. Everything is still wonderful. We both have to go to work immediately upon return to his house.
"Hey darlin' just passed you on my way to work, you were driving the giant truck and it was HOT. Just wondering if maybe you'd be free to come over and teach me how to can apples this evening- text me, I'll be at work"
Sometimes I wonder why he can't just say "hey, I'd like to see you tonight, give me a call" there always has to be a reason. I know his roommate knows how to can and has been excited about the whole canning project.
I text him back letting him know I'm going to a clothing swap with the girls but we'll probably go to pint night later and he should give me a call if he's going.
I get to pint night, he gives me a peck on the cheek and then looks at my kind of coldly.
"Did you get my message?" with more than a hint of annoyance.
"Yeah, I texted you back, honey"
"No you didn't"
"Yeah, I did, it said I was going to the clothing swap and then coming here and to call me"'
He takes out his phone to check.
"Oh, you did"
Again can I emphasize that he's the one that claims he doesn't want to spend all his time together, that only returns my phone calls when he feels like it, that doesn't want the expectations of a RELATIONSHIP.
He spends the rest of the evening chatting up the girl he was seeing while his father was dieing and the friend she's brought with her.
At one point, Ms. Mae and her boy lean over "It looks like Che is hitting on Kayla, does he know she has a boyfriend?"
"Well she just called your sister and referred to me as his girlfriend so I don't think he's going to have much luck with either of them"
And I proceed to ignore him and have fun with my friends. Am I a little annoyed? Yeah. But he's periodically turning around smiling at me, or rubbing my back and I think "well you know what, I'm the one that he's going home with at the end of the night, we just went on a fantastic date, I know he thinks Kayla is crazy and her friend's claddaugh says she's taken so whatevs. He likes talking to girls and always seems vaguely flirtatious. I spend more time with boys, I tease and flirt, who am I to judge?"
We head back home. His roommate and I in one car and her boyfriend and the boy in the other. We get there and they've already opened another beer.
"Here, drink my beer"
And then I realize something else is going on here 'cause he's a lot drunker than I realized and apparently doesn't want to be any more. I drink his beer, I make him a quesadilla and we head to bed.
"Who's the person you feel you've let down, failed the most?"
"For me it's Kayla, I just haven't been there at all. Her mother just died. I wasn't there for her. I don't even really care that much and she was there for me while Pops was dieing"
"Sometimes we just don't have the emotional energy when we're going through a really rough time to be there for somebody else. It doesn't make you a bad person. I know you care deeply about your friends, you can't be there for everyone all the time and you guys haven't been close for a while now."
We continue getting undressed. Taking off my jewelry I mention that I had lost one of my pearl studs that day.
"I lost a part of myself that makes me feel like a good person"
Seriously, if our roles were reversed through this whole experience, he would be starting to get annoyed with me for being so mopey.
"That's a little worse, come on, get into bed, honey"
He curls up in bed with me and starts whimpering (really, there is no other word to describe the noises he was making). I roll over so he can put his head on my chest. He clings on to me, and passes out just like that.
"It was good to see Kayla last night. She's part of our fucked up little club now"
"Best club evah!"
We clink coffee cups. What can I say? Sometimes this is the only way we're left with to deal with things.
"So when do you want me to come over and can?"
"Whenever you have time, which seems like never these days..."
The last part was said under his breath. Really? He's getting weird and huffy about me not spending enough time with him. We spend at least 4 nights together most weeks. He wants to sleep with other people! I'm not his girlfriend. Seriously. But it's almost Thanksgiving, I know things have to be rough for him.
"I can come over tonight after work, I'll give you a call when I'm done"
"You can just come over if it's before I get home"
"I won't get off until after you, have a good day at work"
He leaves, I finish up my coffee and head home for a bit to check in on Thanksgiving plans before going to work.
I get a text message around 7:30, "want a glass of wine when you get home?"
"Yes, I'll be at work a while longer though"
I get back to the house around 8:30 and he's curled up on the couch, under a blanket with a book. His roommate and her boy are in the kitchen cooking up apple sauce and jars are clinking together, boiling in a large pot.
"Hey, what's going on, are you ok?"
"Yeah, I'm just tired I didn't sleep well last night. How are you?"
"Exhausted" I lay down on the couch next to him.
I am, but I'm just too tired.
"Let's go lie down"
We go get in bed with out books, clothes still on. He rolls over so he's snuggle right against me, buries his head in my back.
"I got some bad news today"
"Martha had a stroke"
"Oh my god, is she ok?"
"No, but she will be. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do"
"I don't know either"
I'd like to clarify, that I've never met Martha. Martha is THE GIRL. The all through college sweetheart. The girl he was supposed to travel with and marry before his father got sick. The girl who didn't come home with him when his father got sick. The girl who broke his heart. The girl I assume I'm constantly getting compared to, the one I don't think he's really over. The girl.
He starts kissing me. I don't know what to say. By 9:30 he's out.