Mostly, things seem to be going ok. But some days there's this pit in my stomach, this tightness in my chest, the feeling that I'm drowning. Like I'll never be able to get out of the hole a month of unemployment put me in or be able to do as well in school as I want just because I'm so out of practice. I have a page long to do list but every time I look it in the face I get in bed and catch up on t.v. shows with my cat curled up, purring next to me. The only way I seem to be able to get things done is when the pressure's on, the deadline is right in front of me. And even then, writing an essay has to be alternated with doing dishes or cleaning my car. I can't seem to just sit in my cabin by myself and get things done. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I've forgotten how to be with myself comfortably or if I constantly feel the need to be away from the house because such a large part of me feels like a disappointment right now and I'm trying to avoid my family. Really, none of it makes sense. I have a job again , the pay is crap but it's a good job, things with the boy are going exceptionally well and I'm doing pretty great in all my classes. I've never been a worrier. I've always been a "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" sort of person but lately every decision, every time I pick up the phone to call someone fills me with anxieties and "what if's". I don't know when this happened or why, but I hope to god I get over it soon.