Well there's three people In the mirror And I'm wondering Which one of them I should choose

It's a done deal. There's no going back. I've given notice on my apartment. I've given notice at my job. As of July 1st, home will be home. As in the middle of nowhere, in a studio my family likes to refer to as "the condo", where the grocery store is a good 20 minutes away, shopping is at least half an hour (or the 1.5 hour trip to San Francisco if I want real choices), the beach is fifteen, same as the river, redwood trees are my backyard, I can see the stars at night and I'll be able to spend the rest of my Summer yelling at tourists for driving too damn slow and taking all the parking spaces in my two block town (ok, fine, I admit it, there are actually four whole blocks). And I don't have a job lined up. Yet. It'll happen, if there's one thing  Sonoma County and Berkeley have in common, it's the ridiculous numbers of delicious, slow food eateries. So I'm not too concerned. By which I mean, I'm totally freaking out.

I'm totally freaking out in general. Am I insane? I'm leaving the slow food capital of America, my job at a top reviewed bakery, my wood floored, large windowed apartment in walking distance to BART and the gourmet ghetto to go live in the boonies and go to the J.C.. Rumor has it it's one of the top ranked community colleges in the state but that doesn't change the fact that it's a community college. The place where people go to spend fifty years taking classes and still not have the credits to transfer.

Also, there's that whole figuring out what I'm going to school for bit.

Yes, I've agreed to talk to a career counselor (my grandma's offering to pay, who am I to argue) and I've read and done the activities (well, most of the activities) found in "What Color is Your Parachute". I've discovered that I like to teach, bake and want to work towards bettering society. Shocking, I know. Mostly I've spent a lot of time reading the descriptions and programs of majors I'm interested in and perusing craigslist, seeing what jobs interest me for which I'm not at all qualified . If I go by my highly scientific craigslist approach, I would like to be a kindergarten teacher or a social worker of the counseling variety.  At this point I've narrowed it down to transferring into Sonoma State's Liberal Studies program in the pre-credential track or into Sonoma State's Psychology program in the clinical psychology, counseling and social work track and either way probably minoring in early childhood education. Right now I'm leaning towards psychology and then going to Berkeley for a master's in social work (because, let's face it, an undergrad degree in psych is useless) and becoming a licensed clinical social worker. I realize this is all a lot of schooling, but I'm actually pretty excited about it. I haven't been in real school since high school (I spent a year on basically independent study through a super hippie school and a year going to culinary school- they don't really count) and I think 5 years is a long enough break to get over my burnout. I'm just going to make sure that I don't get too over eager and take so many useless, but interesting seeming classes that I can't transfer than graduate in the shortest amount of time possible.

But tomorrow I might think something totally different. In case you haven't noticed, I've been a little lost. I feel like I'm getting there though. Slowly, but surely, grounding, centering and finding myself again. Remembering who I want to be in relation to myself, others and the world and working towards that ideal a little each day. Hopefully a change of location and pace will help me figure it all out just a little bit more.

In the mean time I'll just keep writing these 300 m.p.h. torrential outpour blues...